Tawni Hart, Master of Love
by Mlle. Madeline
Summary: It’s painfully obvious they’re totally in love. So I, Tawni Hart, decided something needed to be done. It’s almost scary how smart I am. And pretty! Rated T to be safe.
1. Operation: THIS IS LUV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. I know that's a total shock.  
A/N: Okay, so, I got this idea and I **_**had **_**to run with it. This is my first cohesive SWAC multi-chap, so…hope you like it!**

* * *

I, Tawni Hart, am a genius.

(This is where you applaud. Duh.)

I could tell from the very beginning that Chad was in l-o-v-e with a certain Random (and not me, believe it or not. We've been down that road before. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's intimidated by my prettiness. Who wouldn't be? _That _was rhetorical.).

Right, but, anyway. Enough about me (Oh, who am I kidding? There's _never_ enough about me. But, sorry, I can talk about myself another time. Right now it's time for the _proof _of my genius, anyway.).

So like I was saying, for as great of an actor as Chad Dylan Cooper thinks he is, he's pretty suckish at pretending he isn't _totally_ in love with Sonny.

And as subtle as Sonny thinks she is, her voice gets all high when she's in denial _and _whenever she's saying she doesn't have a thing for Chad. Coincidence? Not in a million years.

(I mean, really, the whole _Good! Good! Fine! Fine!_ thing is _so old _for everybody. Just make out already, kay?)

But, the two of them are stupider than Nico and Grady, and I knew they'd never do anything about it, because they're both ridiculously stubborn. And in denial.

So I, Tawni Hart, decided something needed to be done.

Which is how I came up with Operation: Tawni Hart Is a Super Insanely Spectacular Lady Under Venus: End the Denial. Or, Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial.

It's almost scary how smart I am. And pretty!!

* * *

**Ah, dahlings, I hate to ask, but I would **_**love **_**it if you would review. I love feedback, and the things you say really help me make my writing better. Go on, I know you want to!**


	2. Scented Rhymes

**Disclaimer: I write fanfiction, so…I own nothing. (Oh, and if you like poetry you should totally check out E. E. Cummings. I like punctuation and grammar, so there's a lot of his stuff I don't like for aesthetic reasons, but I love his themes and he's so ingenious and original. "the boys i mean are not refined" is a personal favorite. If you do look it up, be warned of language. But I like it because it's not about what you _think _it's about. But anyway.)**

* * *

**Phase One: For Some Reason, Sappy Poetry Makes Her Melt (Scented Rhymes)**

So, you know how some people like poetry? Sonny _loves _it. The other day she was—ooh, wait, I have a better idea. Flashbacks! Ready?

:Flashback:  
_So Sonny's reading some book of poems, and I'm just sitting there minding my own business, brushing my hair (like it really needed it. I love my hair. It's so pretty. And blonde. And bouncy. And pretty!) when she suddenly says, "Awwwww!" It's totally out of nowhere. Well, I really don't care what she's aww-ing about, so I continue brushing my hair._

_Unfortunately, she thinks I care, so she skips over to me and flings the book in my face. "Tawni, read this. Isn't it sweet?"_

"_Is it about me?" I ask, setting down the brush and looking at her._

_She shoots me a funny look. "No…?"_

_I shrug and go back to brushing my hair. "Then I don't care."_

_Sonny rolls her eyes and sits on the arm of my chair. "Okay, then, just listen:_

_i carry your heart with me(i carry it in  
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere  
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing,my darling)  
i fear  
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want  
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)  
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you _

_here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows  
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)  
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart _

_i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart).'"_

_She finishes and just looks at me with these silly starry eyes. "Isn't that beautiful?" she breathes, hugging the book. "It's E. E. Cummings."_

_I wrinkle my nose and put a hand on my (super-toned, thank you) stomach. "I think something's 'Cummings' up."_

_Sonny shakes her head at me. "You are not romantic at all, Tawni."_

_I scoff._

:end Flashback:

See what I mean?? I don't know who this Cummings guy is, but Sonny apparently loves his poetry.

Soooooo, Sonny loves Chad too, _thusly _he needs to write her a poem, right? Of course right!

The problem is that Chad is too busy looking at himself in the mirror to write any poetry by himself, _thusly _(isn't that word fun?) I need to write it _for _him.

And by me I mean Zora.

* * *

"Hmmm," Zora says from her vent, rubbing her chin. "I'll do it…for a price." She gives me a significant look.

Only I don't know what's significant. "What kind of price?" I ask.

A creepy little grin forms on that creepy little face. "Just a small token of your _appreciation_." She gives me that same look.

I'm still clueless.

Zora rolls her eyes and groans. "You are _impossible_!" she yells in frustration. "Do I have to spell out _everything _for you people??" She takes a deep breath and calms down. "Look, I'll write the stupid poem, but you have to do me a favor. Does that make sense?"

I roll my eyes and nod. "Sure, what_ever_. What do you want?"

"Package of grade-A beef franks. Name brand. None of that fake junk. Eight pounds of pure cane sugar. One stick of dynamite. And six pebbles."

I stare at her.

"What?" Zora hisses angrily, lunging towards me. I jump back and she laughs.

With Zora Lancaster, I've learned not to ask. "Nothing. Whatever. Just get me that poem by three-fifteen this afternoon."

Zora just closes the vent, and then she's gone.

God, she is a _freak_. I turn to go back to my vanity to reapply my Coco Moco Coco, but I barely sit down before I hear the vent open again. "Here." Seconds later a paper airplane hits me in the back of the head. The little demon snickers, but when I turn around she's gone again.

I fold it prettier (the stationary's cute though; I like it), then run over to Mackenzie Falls (ewwwww). This better be good, considering it's not written about me.

"Chad!" I yell.

He looks up from admiring his reflection and raises an eyebrow. "Tawni?"

I walk over to him with the poem and rub it against his chest a little.

He stares at me. "_What _are you doing?"

"Nothing!" I say with a perky smile, then skip away.

See, I needed some Chad Dylan Cooper fragrance on the poem to make it seem _legitimate_. So I go back to my dressing room and push the folded up poem halfway under the door so it looks like _somebody _stuffed it there.

Soon I hear Sonny coming down the hallway, and she pauses at the door and the poem disappears. She walks in, reading it. She's got this little confused look on her face, and she brings the paper to her nose and sniffs it.

"Tawni, what is this?" she asks me.

I shrug innocently. "What's what?"

She holds the paper toward me. "This."

I read it:

_Roses are red,  
Violets are blue  
My name is Chad  
And I love you too.  
I cannot hide it,  
Miss Sonny Munroe,  
So say that you love me  
Or I'll grow an afro._

_Super-duper loveness,  
the one and only Chad Dylan Cooper_

I give Sonny a bright grin and hand it back to her. "Looks like a love poem from Chad!" I say (Duh. What else would it be?).

She looks at me skeptically. "Yeah…it _smells_ like Chad, and it's _signed_ Chad, but I really don't think it's _from_ Chad."

I shrug, my hands up in the air. "Well, who else would it be from?"

Sonny rolls her eyes at me. "Gosh, Tawni," she says, fake like an After-School Special, "I have no idea!" She hands me the paper again and jabs a finger at the bottom right-hand corner.

_Property of Tawni Hart_.

Rats! I knew I recognized that stationary. No wonder I thought it was pretty!

"Tawni, that's the worst poetry I've ever read," Sonny says, shaking her head. "And 'super-duper loveness'? Really? Chad would _never _say that. Much less the _rest _of that…poem." She rolls her eyes. "I'm getting some yogurt." So she leaves.

Curse that Zora! "Zoraaaaaa!!" I yell.

The vent opens and she has that evil little smile on her face. "Yes?" she asks innocently.

"I said I wanted a _good _poem," I tell her, crossing my arms. "So Sonny would think it was _from Chad_."

Zora rolls her eyes. "It was a business transaction, Tawni, and I found a better offer. Besides, I thought that poem was funny." She closes the vent, and that's that.

I sit at my vanity. Hmph.

Phase One is a bust.

Oh well. On to Phase Two (I have _lots _of backups).


	3. Triptastic

**Disclaimer: Yup, so, I still don't own anything. Except the plot. But you kids are smart; you knew that already.**

* * *

**Phase Two: Like in Romantic Movies and the Romantic Leads Trip into Each Other ("Triptastic")**

Okay, so, the poetry thing didn't work out so well, but I am Tawni Hart and I _will not be discouraged_. I'm too pretty!

And I want Chad and Sonny to get married and have cute babies so I can be their famous fabulous godmother and brag about how _I_ got them together.

_Any_way, I was ready for Phase Two of Operation: THIS IS LUV.

Here's how it goes: you know how in pretty much every single romantic comedy ever, there's a part where the girl and the hot romantic interest guy accidentally run into each other, and they drop their stuff all over the place, and they both bend down to pick everything up, and they look into each other's eyes, and magic happens?

Yes.

So that would be the reason I'm throwing things into Sonny's arms. "Sonny, you _have _to take this outside. Past the Mackenzie Falls set." _That _is an important detail.

Sonny rolls her eyes. "Tawni, why on earth can't you take your—" she eyes the pile of things in her arms, "—school notebooks and paper plates to the dumpster yourself?"

I wiggle my fingers at her. "Fresh manicure. Duh."

She looks at me disbelievingly. "But you were just flinging all this stuff at me!" she counters.

"Sonny, _pleeeease_," I cajole. "I already chipped one trying to help you. Must you cause me more pain?"

Sonny sighs heavily. "You so owe me," she hisses, then heads out the door.

"Don't forget to walk by Mackenzie Falls!" I call after her.

I wait until she turns the corner, and then I follow her. Why do you think I'm wearing black? I'm like a _ninja_.

I follow her just until I'm sure she's on the way to pass Mackenzie Falls, and then I hang a right and run around the other way into the other entrance to the Mackenzie Falls set.

I find Chad exactly where I expect to: at his vanity, fixing his hair in the mirror. "Chad!" I say breathlessly (hey, I just _ran_, okay?), grabbing his arm. "C'mere."

He looks at me and doesn't move. "Do you need something?" he says boredly.

I have to make that boy _move_. Our time is limited. "There's a reporter from _Tween Weekly _out there," I say, jerking my thumb towards the hallway Sonny's walking down. "And—"

Well, that's all we needed. Chad is up and away. I'm actually kinda surprised he doesn't wonder why I told him…I mean, usually, would I share my spotlight? Um, no. Either way, I'm glad he didn't question me.

Well, I follow him so I can see this collision, because it's going to be _triptastic_.

And _boy is it_.

Chad's running and looking at his phone at the same time, so he's totally not looking where he's going. And Sonny's so busy trying not to drop anything that _she's _not paying attention either.

WHAM!

They run into each other, like, _smack _right into each other.

Old notebooks, paper products, and Chad's phone go flying. They both make these "Mmmmph! Whoa!" kind of noises as they fall over.

See, according to _physics_, since Chad's _momentum _was greater than Sonny's, coupled (tee-hee, get it? Coupled?) with the fact that his _mass _is greater than Sonny's, means that he basically ran her over and she fell over backwards and he fell on her (take _that_, Ms. Bitterman!).

How _adorable _is that? I can barely keep from squealing, but our little lovebirds _cannot know that I am here_.

The _best _part of this entire triptabulous event is that _they don't move right away_. Chad's totally right on top of Sonny and they're just kind of lying there, stunned. _By their love for each other_.

"Ow," Sonny says weakly after a moment, putting a hand up to her head. "Um, are you okay?"

Chad balances himself on his elbows and feels his teeth. "Yeah," he says around his fingers. "Oh my God, you're bleeding!" he freaks out suddenly.

He jumps up (um, Chad? Ruining the moment much?) and pulls Sonny to a sitting position. He crouches in front of her and pulls her hands away from her face. And, yep, she's got blood pouring down her forehead.

Ewwwwww, blood!! But I _have _to watch. No backing out now. Phase Two is _rolling_.

Chad looks adorably horrified. "Oh my God, Sonny, I'm so sorry!" He pulls a handkerchief out of his blazer and presses it against her forehead, his other hand on the back of her head. Awww, he's finally admitting he cares! Yay!

Sonny laughs once, but she's looking even paler than usual as she usually is (hello, 1: We're in freaking _California_, the _land _of sunshine. 2: sunless tanning, anyone?). "It's okay," she says weakly with a small smile (I totally have to almost poke my head the whole way around the corner to hear them), "it's not like you _tried _to bite me in the face."

Chad laughs dryly. "Right, well, if I hadn't been running you wouldn't have a CDC bite mark on your forehead."

Sonny shrugs, putting her hand over his and taking over the blood-kerchief. "All your crazy fangirls would probably kill to be me right now. Chad Dylan Cooper's teeth marks on my face? Oh God, it's like a dream come true!"

They laugh, and Chad rolls his eyes. "Look, let's get you a band-aid or something." He stands and pulls her to her feet.

And. Here's the best part. She's kinda anemic right now (which is super gross, but if she weren't feeling faint _this next part would have never happened_), so when Sonny stands up she loses her balance and falls into Chad, _who catches her and totally holds her way longer than necessary_.

They both blush. "Uh, sorry," Sonny laughs nervously, pulling away.

"'S'okay," Chad says, yanking his hands away from her arms and sticking them in his pockets. "Uhm. You okay?"

Sonny smiles, holding the now-bloody handkerchief against her forehead. "I guess so?"

"Okay then," Chad says with that awkward I-am-so-in-love-with-you-but-I'm-too-much-of-a-weenie-to-tell-you voice.

"Yeah," says Sonny in the same voice, digging at the ground with her toe.

They start to walk away from each other, and I'm about to have to run back to my dressing room, when Chad turns around suddenly. "Oh!" he says. "Have you seen a reporter from _Tween Weekly_?"

Sonny looks confused. "What? No."

Now Chad looks confused. "Oh. Because Tawni said—"

"Tawni?" Sonny cuts him off. She sounds suspicious. "Tawni told you to run down this hallway to find a reporter?"

Chad shrugs. "Yeah. Maybe I missed him…"

"No!" Sonny cuts him off again. "Tawni made me walk down this hallway to throw out her trash."

Chad still looks confused. "So…?"

"So," Sonny says slowly, "I don't think it was a coincidence."

Chad raises one eyebrow. "I don't get it."

Sonny flings the handkerchief to the ground and puts her hands on her hips. "Tawni!" she yells. "Come out!"

She's on to me!!

So I start to run away.

But I stop when I hear this:

"Sonny, you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm just—uhhh…"

Thump.

"Thanks." (He _so _caught her from fainting.)

"I really don't think you should walk back by yourself. Come on, let me help you."

She sighs begrudgingly. "Thanks."

I run away for real this time and am innocently brushing my hair when Chad opens the door with his toe.

I almost freak out when they come in. Because Chad is carrying Sonny in his arms.

Okay, yeah, so she's passed out from blood loss. _But Chad is carrying her. Which is so cute!!_

Phase Two? Is complete.


	4. Just Say It

**Disclaimer: Remember that time I owned Sonny with a Chance? Yeah, me neither.**

* * *

**Phase Three: Chad Needs to Admit He Likes Sonny Because Everybody Knows Already Anyway (Just Say It)**

"Okay, okay, okay," Nico says, laughing. We're all in the Prop House, and we're _supposed _to be brainstorming new sketches. Of course, _I _am contemplating Phase Three of Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial. Sonny is poking herself in the forehead to see if the Chad wound still hurts. Zora is muttering to herself. And Nico and Grady are, for once, actually working. Not that their brainstorms are any good, but they _are _actually brainstorming. "What if we do one where this GI Joe wants to ask out Barbie, but the Bratz dolls and the army men keep getting in the way?"

Grady looks thrilled. "Yes!" he exclaims. "And then there's pizza!"

"And girls!"

They continue babbling and writing notes, but I am no longer paying attention. Because their _stupid _idea gave me a _brilliant _idea.

Let's recap. "GI Joe" is code for _Chad Dylan Cooper_. "Barbie" is code for _Sonny_. And the "Bratz" and the "army men" are their own stupid stubbornness and pride. Heck yes. Symbolism and analogy? Take _that_, Ms. Bitterman!

All right, well, I think it's too soon for Chad to be able to ask Sonny out on an actual _date_. As suave and cool as he thinks he is, he is a _total child _when it comes to a certain Sonny Munroe.

Look, even the tools on _Teen Gladiator _can tell Chad and Sonny are totally in love. And we got _so _many letters after the "HottiEMT" sketch on the same topic. Of course, the fans don't know the backstage happenings as well as, for example, _I _do. But they could see the _chemistry_, the _potential_, the _tension_. And _they_ were just as annoyed as _I_ was that the stupid pig got in the way (see a couple paragraphs above for the symbolism).

Anyway, we have to start with baby steps. So we just have to get Chad to admit he likes Sonny already.

Phase Three is a go. Even if it means I have to…ew…_flirt_ with a certain dramaboy.

* * *

So that's why I'm now wasting a fabulous hair flip over at Mackenzie Falls. "Oh Chad," I say in my best giggly voice, running my fingers down his arm and trying not to vomit. "You're _so _handsome. Do you work out?"

Chad stares at me like I have six heads. "Um…yeah?" He tries to pull away from me, but I grab his arm and wrap it around me.

"You're so modest!" I smile widely, resting my head against his chest.

Chad yanks his arm out of my grip. "Tawni, what are you doing?" he asks, sounding both grossed out and bewildered.

I shrug and scoot closer to him again. "I just realized how much more _gorgeous _you are than that silly Zac Efron," I say quietly, taking his hands and looking into his eyes (which really aren't all _that_ great; I don't know how Sonny always manages to get herself lost in them). "You have better hair, too." I run my fingers through his hair.

Chad's just kind of staring at me. I can tell he's not sure what to do: on the one hand he _loves _that comment about Zac Efron (by the way Zac, I'm totally kidding. If things don't work out with Vanessa, Tawni Hart is ready and waiting), but on the other hand he's super-freaked out that I'm acting all flirtatious towards him. "Um," he says, taking a step away from me again and clearing his throat. "Thank…you?"

Omigod, I'm going to throw up. But it has to be done. I check the clock on the wall behind us, and it's exactly 11:45. If Nico's not on time, this will all be for nothing. He has thirty seconds. I start to worry. I really don't want to have to do this more than once.

That's when I hear Nico coming down the hallway. "Yo, Sonny, whatcha feelin' for lunch today?" he practically yells.

"Probably soup," Sonny says thoughtfully. "Why are you talking so loudly?"

They're almost here. Now or never.

I brace myself. "You know there's a better way to thank me than in words, Chad," I say, and pucker my lips (ew, ew, ew.)

"Tawni, _what are you doing?_" Chad starts to say, but I see Nico's foot and it has to be _now_.

"Oh, Chad!" I say, and grab his face and kiss him.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww, I'm kissing Chad Dylan Cooper!! _I'm going to have to go through so much Coco Moco Coco to get that off me._

Chad flails, but then out of the corner of my eye I see Nico and Sonny standing right in the doorway of the Mackenzie Falls set, and Sonny's mouth has dropped open so far I swear, another inch and her chin would be on the ground.

"Chad!" she yells in this weird strangled voice, and bolts off.

When Chad hears Sonny's voice, he yanks himself away from me. "_What the hell was that_??" he yells at me, wiping his lips off with his sleeve (normally I'd be offended by this, but 1: normally I would _never _kiss Chad Dylan Cooper, and 2: I know he's in love with Sonny). Then he runs off after Sonny, calling her name.

I follow until I get to where Nico's still standing there. "You sure this is a good idea?" he asks me.

I shake my head at him witheringly. "I'm _Tawni Hart_," I remind him. "Of _course _it's a good idea."

Nico shakes his head and heads off to the cafeteria. "I sure hope you're right." He _so _sounds unsure.

Please. I, Tawni Hart, am a Master of Love. And I know what I'm doing.

So, I head back to the dressing room because I know Sonny's there. I hope Chad ran after her fast enough to get in the room with her, because if not she'll have locked the door and then he can't get in and they can't express their undying love for each other which would _so _be a damper on Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial (I love that title).

Yay, Chad's not banging on the door. I press my ear against the door because I have _got _to hear this conversation.

"Chad, _go away_," Sonny hisses.

"Sonny, come on," Chad protests. I can hear footsteps, so he's probably walking towards her. "It wasn't what it looked like."

Sonny scoffs. "God, Chad, that line is so overused, and you know what? Ninety percent of the time it _is what it looked like_. You were freaking kissing _Tawni_! What's not to understand about that?"

Chad sighs. "Jeez, Sonny, you really think I'd want to kiss _Tawni_? She totally came onto _me_."

"Yeah right." Sonny laughs in disbelief.

"You honestly don't believe me?"

Their conversation gets faster and faster.

"Why should I?"

"Why would I kiss Tawni??"

"She's pretty."

"So are a lot of girls."

"She's flirtatious."

"Oh, _good point_." I can practically _hear _Chad rolling his eyes.

"She's my castmate."

"Um, yeah, she is."

"You like to mess with my head."

"Yeah, I do."

"Why?"

"Really, Sonny? Really?"

"Chad, what are you saying?"

"All I'm _saying_ is that I—"

He pauses and I almost _freak out_. Just _say it _already!

"That you what?"

"I—"

BAM BAM BAM. "Sonny!!"

Aaaaand that will be Grady on the other side of the dressing room, banging on the door and _ruining what was almost the total win of Phase Three_.

I hear Sonny's footsteps and then the click of the lock. "Sonny, have you seen Nico?" Grady asks like it's the most important thing in the world ever (which it _isn't_. That place is held by _Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial_, thank you _very _much.)

"I think he's—" Sonny starts, but then Grady cuts her off. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

"What's _he _doing here?" Grady asks in shock and disgust, and I figure he's probably pointing an accusing finger at Chad.

"Uhm," Chad says, flustered, "I was just leaving." And he does. I can hear his footsteps walk away.

So I run around to the other side where the door is now unlocked and reenter my own dressing room. "Grady, go a_way_," I say, and push him out the door.

Actually, that probably wasn't a good idea. Because now Sonny's got her glare on, and I remember I just kissed the boy she wants to be hers (ugh, ewwwww). "Tawni, _why_ would you kiss Chad?" she asks dangerously.

I shrug. "Got a problem with it?"

She sucks on her teeth, and I think she's about to spill. Which would be almost as good as Chad spilling, except she'd only be telling me things I _already know_, but at least she'd be admitting it to herself _finally_. But…"No," she mutters finally. "Not at all."

GAH!

And Phase Three is officially a bust.

* * *

**A/N: Oh my! :gasps: Chad said a bad word! I think this is the first time anyone's sworn at all (and I wouldn't have put it in there normally, but c'mon. Imagine being Chad in that situation, right? Hah!), and I was gonna mention that at the beginning, just for a heads-up, but I didn't think **_**the word **_**was major enough to warrant that. So if you were offended, I apologize. Now review, my dearests! I adore you all :D**


	5. Spaghetti Magic

**Disclaimer: I just loved "Lady and the Tramp." Classic Disney. But I don't own it, or the smidgen of lyrics from "Bella Notte" I've borrowed, and I apologize ahead of time for any butchering of the Italian language that I do…all my knowledge comes from Google Translator. I don't own that either. Or Sonny with a Chance.  
****A/N: Wow, guys, sorry I haven't updated in just short of forever. Those of you who are college kids, you understand. Those of you who aren't...well, you will (: The last couple weeks have been crazy hectic with papers and projects and getting ready for finals (which are this week, and then I'm DONE! Until January.), so I've been a little behind. Anyway. Here we are!**

* * *

**Phase Four: Because Sharing Food Like in "Lady in the Tramp" is **_**Super **_**Cute (Spaghetti Magic)**

So, Sonny _refused _to admit even to me that she's in l-o-v-e with Chad. And she said she didn't have a problem with me kissing him (blech, _I _have a problem with kissing him. Ew! She can _so _have him), but she was totally lying. She's a terrible liar, first of all, but she's also been giving me the Silent Treatment for the past _ever _since it happened. And it's so obvious why.

I'd be completely fine with that normally (because she always seems to think I _care _about whatever she's going on about), but she's _also _been ignoring Chad, which is a _no_.

Of course, I can totally tell Chad's distressed about that, which is a good sign. But still. Love cannot happen if they don't _communicate _at all.

So we're sitting at lunch and it's actually kind of annoying that Sonny isn't talking to me. Which is, like, super weird. So I, Tawni Hart, am _actually _trying to get Sonny to talk to me. Which is _extra _super weird.

"So, Sonny, that new sketch is pretty good, huh?" I say, taking a bite of my salad (Greek, no onions, easy on the olives, dressing on the side, thanks).

Sonny doesn't even acknowledge I'm there. "Grady, can I have the ketchup?" she says (she's eating peanut butter and jelly. Um, _ew_. On like six different levels.)

Grady shoots her a funny look. "Suuuure?" He scoots the ketchup over to her.

"Thanks," Sonny says, and ignores the bottle. Hello, obvious much? Sheesh, you'd think I made out with her boyfriend or something. Which I totally _did not_. Because she's too stupid to admit she's in love with Chad. So really it's her own fault.

And besides, we _so_ didn't make out. There was no tongue involved. I'd rather have a colonoscopy _and _a bad hair day.

But _any_way, this whole Cold Shoulder thing is _unbelievably _annoying. I have to start Phase Four, like, _now_. Or the inattention is going to drive me crazy. I'm a star. I _need _people to pay attention to me.

So I look around for inspiration, and I notice Grady and Nico are sharing a pizza (I kid you not. An entire pizza. _So _gross.). And, like, that makes me think of other Italian foods, aka spaghetti, aka sharing food, aka _Lady and the Tramp_, aka kissing.

Sometimes it's almost scary how smart I am. And let's not forget pretty!

The _question _is how we get Sonny and Chad to share a plate of spaghetti.

Which means it's time for Phase Four.

"Son_ny_, c'mon," I beg, my hands clasped and my lower lip poked out. "I'm _sorry_, okay? And I _never _apologize. I'm even offering to take you out for dinner. Another thing I never do."

I can totally tell Sonny's fighting with herself. On the one hand, she's super-mad at me for kissing Chad. On the other hand, she can't admit she's pissed at me because _that _would mean she would admit she's in _love _with him. And she's too stupid to do that. Also she wants a free dinner, especially one paid for with apology money (Tawni Hart, sincerely apologize. When I'm _right_? I don't think so.).

"Okay, okay, fine," Sonny finally says, flinging her arms in the air and flopping into her vanity chair.

"So why were you mad at me?" Oh, give me a break. Like I can resist trying to yank it out of her.

"I wasn't."

I make a _pfft_ sound. "Yeah right. You've been ignoring me for like three days."

Sonny shrugs and tries to look innocent. "I had a cold."

I roll my eyes. "Look, we both know why you were mad at me, but if you aren't going to admit it, fine. Maybe I'll go ask Chad to dinner." I stand and move to the door, but just as I suspect—

"Wait!" Sonny stops me.

I turn on my heel. "Is there a problem?"

Sonny is clearly racking her brain. "No, uhm, it's just that…that…Chad told me he wasn't feeling well."

"Uh-huh," I say disbelievingly. "Look, I'll see you at the _Bella Notte _at eight, okay? Reservation under 'Hart.'"

And I leave…to walk over to Mackenzie Falls.

"Chad, can I talk to you?" I ask.

Chad immediately scoots his chair back about three feet. "What?"

He's totally mad at me too, which is so cute…he's not so much mad that I kissed him, but mad that _because _I kissed him Sonny is mad at him. It's all so adorable, it really is.

"Chad," I say slowly, like the words are having a hard time coming out of my mouth, "I'm really sorry about what happened the other day. And I wanna make it up to you."

He raises an eyebrow just as blonde and manicured as mine. "I used up an entire stick of lip balm getting your Coco Moco Coco off my face. Look, Tawni, I know I'm irresistible, but I'm not into you."

Um, tell me something I _don't _know. Like, duh. "Whatever, Chad. Look, let me take you out to an apology dinner. I shouldn't have kissed you, okay?"

He considers. C'mon, free dinner courtesy of Tawni Hart. Say no? I think not.

Finally he shrugs. "Deal."

I smile. "Great. I'll see you at the _Bella Notte _at eight. Reservation under 'Hart.'" And I flounce off, smiling at the sheer _brilliance _of my plan.

So that night, I sit _incognito _at a nearby table to the dinner-for-two setup for the "Heart" reservation.

I am _so _good.

"Reservation for 'Hart'?" I hear Sonny's perky little voice ask the maitre d'.

"Right-a dees way, Signorina," he responds in his delicious thick Italian accent, and leads her to her seat.

She can tell something's up, because the table for two is in the corner, with soft candle lighting and a rose in a vase. "Uh, are you sure this is the right table?" she asks timidly.

The maitre d' looks offended. "Of course, Signorina." He pulls out her chair for her, and Sonny hesitantly sits. "When your date arrives, I weel breeng you your spaghetti."

"Thank you," she says politely, but still looking confused.

"È il mio piacere," Mr. Maitre D' responds with a little bow (that means "it's my pleasure." Take _that, _Ms. Bitterman! Vacationing in Italy is _so _educational), and then he goes back to his desk.

Sonny fiddles with her water goblet while she waits for me to show up (heehee).

Soon, I hear Chad's annoying conceited voice. "Hey. Chad Dylan Cooper, reservation for 'Hart.'"

"Ah, _sì_, signor." I can practically hear the maitre d' wink. "De 'Heart' reservation. Right-a dees way."

And he leads Chad right to Sonny. For their dinner. Together.

Have I mentioned how good I am?

"_Chad?_" Sonny asks in blatant shock, jumping to her feet.

"_Sonny!_" Chad says in the same tone.

"What are _you_ doing here?" they ask at the same time. Aww, talking at the same time. Don't you love it? They are _soulmates._

"Tawni," they conclude. Again at the same time. Seriously? I should just send out the invitations now.

(The maitre d' shoots me a distressed look, but I wave him back to his station. I know what I'm doing.)

Sonny sighs and grabs her jacket from where she'd draped it over the back of her chair. "Look, Chad, I don't know what Tawni thinks she's doing. Or what you think _you're _doing, for that matter. I'm just gonna go."

Chad stops her by putting a hand on her arm (and I almost freak out). "Wait. Sonny, I don't know what Tawni's doing either. But we're here now, and this is a nice place. C'mon, let me buy you dinner."

Sonny has that I'm-fighting-with-myself-inside-my-head face again, but eventually the prospect of free dinner _plus _spending time with Chad finally wins out, and she allows him a little smile. "Fine. But you're paying for my taxi home, too."

(Oh, calm down. I already paid for their dinner ahead of time. They're sharing a plate of the best spaghetti in California. Not to mention tiramisu that is to _die _for. I, Tawni Hart, am _good_.)

So I totally listen in on their conversation, and they get everything sorted out with the whole kissing thing; aka, they're annoyed at me, but they can't figure out what my point was (uhmm…_duh _much?).

And the food-sharing is _super _adorable.

And even though they don't kiss (laaaame), Chad helps Sonny put her jacket on, and he holds her hand as they leave.

And I paid for their fabulous dinner, so I'm pretty sure they're done being mad at me.

Oh, this is the night, it's a beautiful night, and we call it 'bella notte.'

Phase Four is successfully completed.

I am _so good_.

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**Fun Anecdote: I started writing the maitre d' a French accent. Then I remembered: **_**Italian**_** restaurant. Duhhh.  
Lovelies, I adore your reviews and hey, everybody who's alerted and favorited, I **_**love **_**that you do that. But please, it would mean the world to me if you'd review too, so I can know what you like and what you don't like, so I can make this story better. You are all fabulous and I know you're itching to hit "review," am I right? :D Thanks!!**


	6. Downpours,Etc

**Disclaimer: The rain in Spain may fall mainly on the plain, but I still own nothing.  
A/N: Holy cow, I've been gone a looong time. Like...over a month and a half. Wow. I'm so sorry, guys. I really don't have a good excuse. Just me being lazy, to be honest. Anyway, let's be friends again. I've missed you. Can we? Well anyway. Thank you for reading and I hope this is worth the wait! (:**

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**Phase Five: Being Stuck Together in the Rain is Almost as Cute as I Am (Downpours, Etc.)**

Since my amazing dinner at _Bella Notte_, Chad and Sonny have been talking again, yay. All thanks to me.

But just normal talking (and of course their adorable-yet-we're-all-so-tired-of-it bickering) is not good enough.

We need lip action.

Today and tomorrow _just happen _to be forecasted as thunderstorms.

And there is no better kissing atmosphere than the rain (In movies, I mean. I don't do that; my hair gets wet).

Start Phase Five.

"Okay, guys, you know the plan, right?" I ask Nico, Grady, and Zora. We're huddled by the door, early to work and, therefore, there before Sonny and Chad and everyone else. They nod. "Under _no _circumstances are you allowed to let Sonny and Chad in the building. Do whatever you have to, but _keep them in the parking lot_."

"Hey guys, whatcha huddling about?" We look up, and Chad is watching us in amusement, one hand in his pocket and the other holding an apple. He takes another bite of apple. "Trying to think of ideas to boost your ratings? Because I don't think that's going to happen."

I give the group a panicked _what-is-he-doing-here-he's-supposed-to-be-locked-outside _face, and Grady lunges at Chad, grabbing the apple. "Ya want it? Ya want it?" he taunts Chad, jumping around and wiggling the apple. "Come get it!"

He dashes to the door and wiggles the apple out it. "Ya want it?" he repeats a couple more times, and then tosses it out into the parking lot.

Chad hasn't moved an inch, and he just watches Grady in mild amusement. "No, not anymore, thanks," he says blandly.

And just when I think we're screwed—because now Sonny's walking up the steps—Zora leaps into action. "Yaaaaaahhh!!" she screams, and shoves Chad out the door, into Sonny, and they tumble down the steps. "Eat gravel!" she yells, for good measure, and slams the door, locking it.

"Yay!" I cheer, clapping. "Okay, thanks! I got it from here." I'm _so_ glad there's only one entrance to the Studios through the parking lot, or else this job would be _way_ more difficult.

Nico and Grady shrug and head off, and Zora pats my hand. "You're twisted," she says appreciatively. She shoots me a smile (that I find kinda creepy) and skips off.

So the door is locked, and I peer out the window. Rats! I can't hear a thing over the rain. But I can see them.

They landed all tangled up (eep!) at the bottom of the stairs, in the pouring rain, on the asphalt.

Chad disentangles himself first, and stands up, reaching out a hand to help Sonny to her feet.

She refuses his help (oh, come _on_, woman!) and stands on her own.

This rain is _so _perfect for a Rachel McAdams/Ryan Gosling kiss.

Sonny whips her hair out of her face and leans towards Chad with her teeth bared, like she's hissing at him.

Chad crosses his arms, and I don't need to hear a thing to be able to tell he's saying "Really, Sonny? Really?"

Sonny flings her arms in the air and stomps around a little.

Chad hops up the steps and tries to open the door (oh, _please_. Like I'd make it that easy. The key is a kiss.).

Sonny joins him (yeahhh, maybe if _she _tries to open the door it'll magically unlock), and they seriously yank at the door for like a whole minute. I've never understood that. If it's not unlocked _now_, it's not going to be unlocked thirty seconds from now. Duh.

They finally give up, and stomp down the stairs again to stand back in the rain.

Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise. They're yelling at each other now, lots of arm gestures and stomping around. And even though I can give them different voices and have them say _Oh, Chad, I can't believe I've tried to resist for so long! _and _Oh, Sonny, I love you even more than my hair!_, it's pretty obvious that's _not _what they're saying.

To be honest, I don't know what they're so mad about. Sure, it's pouring rain and they're locked out of the building, but _hello_, this is such a perfect making out locale. Besides, it's not like it's really either of their faults that they're locked out. It's _mine_, so if anything they should be mad at _me_. Which they _shouldn't_, because I'm totally playing Cupid here.

They'll thank me later.

Anyway, they keep yelling at each other, alternating between getting in each other's faces and stomping away from each other. Which is cute, but only if they make out eventually. And it's not happening. This is taking _way _too long.

I really don't understand what their issue is. Can they really not see they're perfect for each other?

And _please_, don't even _tell _me they didn't fall for each other immediately.

Plus with the _feud _between our shows, they are _so _the Romeo and Juliet of Condor Studios. Except for the whole, you know, tragedy thing.

They just need to stop acting like they're _twelve_ and _make out _already. I mean, do I have to push their faces together? My God!

But I need to calm down, because annoyance doesn't really go with pretty. Well. It does on _me_, but I don't _like _being annoyed. It gives me frown lines.

Ooh! Besides, there's a new development! Chad's taking his keys out of his pocket and swinging them at Sonny.

Omigod, why didn't I think of their _cars_?

Heck, why didn't _they _think of their cars?

But either way, Sonny's going with Chad to his car (yayyy, I'm glad she's not being stupid and going to her _own _car), and even though that means they won't be in the rain, at least they're still together.

Unfortunately, I can't really see them anymore.

But I _can _see them both get into Chad's car, and that's enough for me.

Then my phone rings. "Tawni Hart!" I answer brightly.

"Unlock the door," comes the angry voice of Sonny Munroe.

"Khhh—I can't—pshht—breaking—ksh—I—khhh—later!" I pretend the connection's bad, and I hang up.

Then my phone rings again. "Tawni Hart!"

"Really, Tawni? Really?" It's Sonny again. And she still sounds mad. So I hang up again.

It rings again. "Tawni, I know perfectly well that the connection is _fine_." And I hang up. Then I put my phone on silent.

So a couple minutes go by, and since I can't see _or _hear anything, I'm super bored and decide I need to file my nails.

So I go back to my dressing room and do that. (_Wow_, I am pretty!)

Except _then _after a while I hear two pairs of stompy footsteps coming down the hallway, accompanied by (shocker) yelling. "You are so obnoxious!" Sonny seethes, and the footsteps come to a halt right in front of my door.

"Are you serious, Sonny?" Chad shoots back. "_I'm _the obnoxious one? Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Being trapped outside with you for _forty-five minutes _is enough to drive a person crazy!"

"With you, there wasn't far to go!"

"You're infuriating!"

"I got us _back inside_, didn't I? I called Portlyn, didn't I? She opened the door for us, didn't she?"

"Oh, _good point_!"

"It _is _a good point!"

"Well, _good_!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Then the door slams open, and a dripping wet Sonny skulks in, glaring at me under her hair. I catch a glimpse of an equally soaked and equally mad Chad Dylan Cooper standing in the hallway before Sonny slams the door behind her without another look back.

"You're lucky I'm too annoyed at _Chad _to be mad at you right now," she mutters, and stalks to her vanity and squeezes out her hair. She plugs in a hairdryer and starts blow-drying her hair as well as her clothes, muttering under her breath the whole time.

Man, what am I doing _wrong_?

Phase Five = (sigh) Fail.

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**Never fear, lovelies: it will get better :D Now review, dahlings!**


	7. Slam the Door

**A/N: I wanted to reply to the few reviewers I didn't have a Reply URL for. So, **_Sam_**, aka **_luckme123_**: Thank you so much! I think Tawni's a lot of fun. **_J_**: It will! I swear! Trust me! :D  
Also, remember that time I said I came back from a hiatus? And then I didn't update for another...month? Yeah. Man, I suck, don't I? This semester's been really busy for me so far, especially since I was pledging a sorority (which is totally awesome, blatant Greek publicity there). Anyway. I'm back again. Thank you so much for being patient with me (:  
Disclaimer: Do I own Sonny with a Chance? Why yes. Yes I do. I also own Jupiter. And the invention of bread.**

**Phase Six: If I Have to Lock Them in a Closet, I Will (Slam the Door)**

You know what's really frustrating? When your _brilliant _plan is being thwarted by the people you're _trying to help_, aka the _subjects _of said brilliant plan.

Look, guys, I can't do _all_ of this foryou. You gotta work with me a _little_.

So, Phase Six is the most drastic phase yet: I have to lock them in a closet together.

"Hey Sonny, wanna go grab some lunch?" I ask, shooting her a look over my shoulder as I re-gloss my lips.

"Whatever," Sonny mutters, and runs her fingers through her hair aimlessly.

(She's been in a bad mood ever since the Rain Incident. Which was, like, for_ever _ago.)

"Okay, you _really _have to perk up," I say, jumping up and walking over to where she's slumped at her vanity. "C'mon, stand up!"

She slowly spins around to look at me, and she's all glare-y. "I'm mad at _you_ too, Tawni," she reminds me.

"Tell me something I _don't _know," I respond, rolling my eyes. "I told you I have no idea why Zora pushed Chad outside and locked the door."

"You were _there_," Sonny says darkly, crossing her arms. "I really don't know what you're trying to do, but it's _not _appreciated."

Is she serious? She really doesn't know what I'm trying to do?

_Man_, I am sneaky. And pretty!!

"So how's Chad?" I ask. (Why not?)

She sighs through her nose. "Oh, I dunno, the usual? I _hate_ him."

I pat her on the head. "You just keep on believing that."

She yanks away from me and flattens her hair with her fingers (please. Like she needs any _less _volume in that mop.), glaring little Sonny-daggers at me. "I _don't _like him," she insists.

"Sure," I smile patronizingly. "Now c'mon, let's go eat something." I skip out the door and Sonny follows me, dragging her feet.

I'm sorry, but she is pathetic.

We walk down the hallway, but where we'd normally turn left to head to the cafeteria, I hang a right down towards Mackenzie Falls. "Tawni, where are you going?" Sonny asks me, like I'm stupid. "Cafeteria's _that _way."

She goes to turn left and not follow me, but I grab her arm and pull her along. "I wanna take the long way," I tell her, and since it's obvious I'm not letting go of her arm unless she goes with me, Sonny sighs and comes along.

Soon I see what I'm looking for: a nice little broom closet. As subtly as I can, I head over towards it, open it, and peek inside, like I'm curious. "Omigod!" I screech.

Sonny jumps at my outburst. "Tawni, what the heck?"

I pretend to hyperventilate. "Just _look_!"

Cautiously, Sonny inches over and peers inside the closet. And it's a perfect shot! I shove her in and slam the door, locking it! Success!

"_Tawni!!_" Sonny yells, banging her fists against the wooden door. "What are you _doing_??"

"Ohmygosh, I'm _so _sorry!" I reply, and wiggle the handle a little. "It's locked and I can't get it unlocked! Just be patient! I'll go get help!"

I hear her mutter a lot under her breath, and I'd be willing to bet she isn't lauding my praises.

But whatever, I'm Tawni Hart and I am a _genius_. So I trot over to Mackenzie Falls. "Chad!" I call when I see him, like usual, admiring himself in the mirror.

He rolls his eyes and looks exasperated. "_What_, Tawni?"

"Okay, what_ever_," I say, like I'm annoyed. "If you don't wanna help Sonny out, I don't care." And I turn to walk away.

Unsurprisingly, Chad stops me. "Whoa, wait, what? Sonny's in trouble?"

I slowly turn back around to face him. "Thought you didn't care," I singsong.

He flushes (ha!). "I don't. But if she's in trouble, who am I gonna pick on?"

I laugh. "Right, _that's_ it. Come on." I walk back out into the hallway, Chad at my heels.

"She's stuck in there," I say, pointing to the closet, "and I can't get the door unlocked."

Chad walks up to the door, jiggles the handle, and Sonny yells, "Get me _out _of here, Tawni!"

"I brought help!" I reply.

"Get yourself locked in a closet, Munroe?" Chad asks in amusement, then twists the lock and turns the knob. He turns to me, looking confused. "Tawni, it's not stuck. It came open like—" He opens the door, and before either of them can do anything I shove him in too and slam the door shut, locking it again.

"TAWNI!!" yell Sonny and Chad in unison, furious.

"Oops!" I say innocently. "Guess you're stuck in there till you kiss and make up!"

"WHAT?" they yelp.

"You heard me!" I singsong. "Have fun!"

So I walk away, and clack my heels a little more than usual, because I want them to _know _I've left them _alone_. Except that I totally can't _actually _leave them alone, because I _have _to know how this goes. So I clack down the hallway, and then quietly sneak back to listen in at the door.

Okay, so maybe eavesdropping on a _love connection _might possibly seem a little bit nosy, but, uhm, _duh_.

So on the plus side, the closet door is pretty flimsy, so listening in is totally easy.

On the other hand, the closet door is pretty flimsy, so I have to be super quiet or they might hear me.

And we can_not _have that.

So I'm, like, _ninja _sneaky when I listen. Meanwhile, Sunny's making an annoyed huffing noise. "She never lets up," she hisses angrily.

Chad whacks what I assume is his head against the door and I have to jump away. "The only thing I like _less _than being locked in a closet is being locked in a closet with a _Random_."

I hear a dull thump and then an "Ow!" from Chad. So I'm thinking Sonny punched him, probably in the arm.

"Can you stop being all self-righteous for, like, five seconds?" Sonny asks tightly. "I have to get out of here."

Chad scoffs. "_You _have to get out of here? _I _have to get out of here. It's hot and my hair's going to get funny."

Then I hear another weird noise from Chad, this one more of a strangled "Ack!"

"Show you to complain one more second about your stupid _hair_," Sunny says with an edge of triumph. I have no idea what just happened.

"Sonny." Chad sounds deadly serious. "Do _not _touch the CDC hair."

Sonny laughs. "Really, Chad? Really? Tawni locked us together in a closet and you're worried about your _hair_?"

Chad huffs out his nose. "My hair is _important_. You should take notes."

"You said you think my hair's pretty!" Sonny objects, and she totally sounds offended. Which is _fabulous_, because if she didn't care about _Chad_, she wouldn't care about _Chad's comment_. Am I brilliant or am I brilliant? (Hint: I'm brilliant.)

"Sure, but it's no match for _my _hair."

"God, Chad, you are the most obnoxious, egotistical _pain in the—_"

"Whoa-ho, _language_," Chad tsks her, and I can hear the smirk in his voice. "Don't say anything you might regret, Munroe."

"The only thing I _regret _is being gullible enough to let Tawni _lock me in here _with a thing like _you_." If I know Sonny, she's totally crossing her arms defiantly and giving Chad the _I'd-be-scary-if-I-wasn't-so-perky-all-the-time _face. Not that he can see it; it's a hundred percent dark in there.

"You know what I think?" Chad says thoughtfully, and I imagine him tapping his chin with his forefinger. "I think you're in love with me and—"

I hear a dull slap, so I think Sonny whapped her hand over his mouth. "I'm _not talking to you_," she informs him. "So _shut up._"

He actually _does _shut up. It's completely cute that he's listening to her, but it's quiet for way too long, and I hate to say it, but I get bored. I check my phone and it's time to go brush my hair anyway.

Phase Six: These lovebirds are _annoying_. I'll check on them again later.

**A/N 2: Almost, guys. Almost. Trust the Tawni. Review, please? The sooner you review, the quicker Sonny and Chad get out of the closet :D**


	8. You Did WHAT?

**Disclaimer: You know what I own? The radio I'm hearing, the computer I'm using, and the plot I'm writing. That's it.**

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**Phase Six and a Half: Part of Locking Them in a Closet Includes Keeping the Stupid Thing Locked (You Did WHAT?)**

I love my hair. I really do. It's blonde, and soft, and voluminous but not 80s-scary, and has just enough curl to have that hint of Farrah Fawcett without being completely Charlie's Angels (although the Angels were totally hot in their day).

Plus, you know how some hairstyles, you can't brush them or they'll get ruined? Like ringlets or something. Yeah, that doesn't happen with my hair. I can brush it _all day long _and it'll just look even shinier and prettier than it did before.

I have _great _hair. And I'm pretty! And famous! Gosh, I _love _me.

But I have this weird feeling that I've forgotten something. I can't remember what it is, though. If Sonny were here, I could ask her and she'd remind me, because she—

OHMYGOD! I forgot about Phase Six!!

I leap out of my chair and race back to the broom closet I locked Chad and Sonny in, who knows how long ago. Of course, I have to sneak down the hallway to the door, or else they might hear me.

That's when I see it.

The door is unlocked.

You know how I can tell? Because it's _open_. The closet is _open _and it's _empty_.

Okay, um, _where did they go??_

I look down the hallway both ways, but they are nowhere in sight.

Well, this is totally frustrating. Who let them out? They _cannot_ kiss and make up (or out, whatever works) if they aren't trapped together.

And it's _completely_ like Grady read my mind (um, creepy much?), because suddenly he's walking down the hallway towards me. He sees me staring at the _void of love _closet and laughs. "Tawni, the craziest thing just happened," he says, making some weird face and hand motions on the word "craziest."

I whip my head to look at him. "What?" I ask carefully.

He laughs, and wings an arm around my shoulders. "There I was, minding my own business," he starts grandly, gesturing with his other hand out towards the horizon like he's starting some epic story, "walking down the hallway, and all of a sudden I hear a thump on the other side of that door, like someone kicked it. So I walk over and listen. I hear someone muttering under their breath. I knock on the door." He pauses and looks at me, to see if I'm enthralled.

I'm _so _not. "And…?" I say, crossing my arms.

Grady rolls his eyes with that _you have no taste _face (and let's be honest here. _I _have no taste? Give me a break, right?) and continues his story in the same delusions-of-grandeur voice. "I knock on the door. Two people yelp. 'Let me out!' one of them says. '_You?_' says the other. 'What about _me_?' 'Not to mention your _hair_, right?' 'Oh, shut _up._'"

He's using an effeminate yet still male voice for who can only be Chad, and a high-pitched perky voice for Sonny. This is tiring in about oh-point-two seconds. "Get to the _point_, Grady," I warn him.

"Okay, okay," Grady says, finally removing his arm from my shoulders and crossing his arms, looking offended. "So I figure out it's Sonny and Chad and I unlock the door but before I can ask them why they're in a closet together they bolt off down the hallway." He points in the direction they went.

Oh. My. God. He let them out! After all my hard work, he _let them out! _I push Grady up against the wall. "They were in there _for a reason_," I hiss through gritted teeth. "And if they _don't _get back in there, I'm going to make sure _you _get locked in there _for good_."

He looks scared. And he totally should be, because I will _not _let Operation: THIS IS LUV be thwarted. "Uhm," he says, trying to back away. Which he can't because he's up against the wall. "Sorry?"

What_ever_. I march off.

Does that sound totally harsh? Look, all I want is for Sonny and Chad to realize they're in love with each other and get married and have cute babies. Is that so much to ask?

Besides, I'm PMS-ing and I could _so _kill for a brownie. Or five.

Anyway, I head off down the hallway to see if maybe, just maybe, if Chad and Sonny ran off together, they might still be together.

I'm walking towards my dressing room, because that's the direction Grady pointed. From his description of the events, an hour or however long it was _apparently_ not long enough for them to shut up and fall in love already.

I'm about to pass my dressing room to keep looking for them, when I hear something.

It is without a doubt a Sonny giggle.

So I stop and press my ear against the door.

"Chaaad," she giggles. _Ohmygod, _what_ did she say? _"Chad, stop!"

I hear a low chuckle that is obviously Chad. "Or what?"

Obviously he does _something_, because the next sound I hear is a squeal from Sonny, and then she bursts into full-out laughter for a few seconds before stopping abruptly. But I hear another muffled giggle, so I think she clapped her hand over her mouth.

"Chad," she whispers conspiratorially, and I have to press my ear even closer. "Chad, if anyone finds out we're—"

He cuts her off and whispers conspiratorially back. "They won't," he assures her. "We're completely alone."

"Well, yeah," she agrees, "but what if someone sees you leave?"

"No one will!" he says with a smile in his voice. "We'll be careful. We'll make sure no one's around, and then I'll leave first, and you leave five minutes later."

"Why do _you—_" Sonny sounds accusatory again all of a sudden.

"It's _your _dressing room," he replies before she can finish. I can practically _hear _him rolling his eyes.

"Oh." Sonny sounds sheepish. "Right."

"And I _would _say you could just stay _here_, but…" He trails off. I don't know why.

It apparently makes sense to Sonny, though, because I hear her muffled giggle again. "Chad, we're gonna be in _so _much trouble," she says, and I can hear her trying not to laugh.

Chad laughs. "Stop saying that!" he insists. "Nobody's gonna know about us…" He trails off _again_, and I _still _don't know why. Because that's _so _the end of the sentence.

"She's gonna know though. She has to. I mean, she's ditzy, but she's not _stupid_."

I can only assume they're talking about me. Because _of course _I'm observant enough to be able to tell what's going on between them. I totally resent the bit about being _ditzy_, though, because I am so not. Would my hair be this bouncy if I was a complete ditz? No.

But whatever, I'm so excited I'm about to burst into the room. I'm torn. 1: I let them finish their little, ah, let's call it an _interaction_. They carry out their plan, and I have the satisfaction of knowing they realize they're in love and Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial will be a total success, except they don't know that I know. Or 2: I burst in and yell "AHA!" and sort of ruin the _interaction_, but we all have the satisfaction of _knowing that I know_.

I think the answer is pretty clear.

"AHA!" I yell, bursting through the door and fully enjoy the shock on Sonny's and Chad's faces.

But—wait. _This _is not what I expected.

Instead of the adorable secretive little love scene I imagined, they're leaning over _my vanity_, and they have _markers in their hands_.

Oh, my God. They're desecrating my half of the dressing room. They've drawn _all over _my mirror. And I don't even _care _what they've written, because I am _in shock_.

After everything I've done for them, _this_ is how they repay me??

They at least have the good grace to freeze mid-letter and look horrified. They stare at me, caught red-handed in their sordid little room-ruining affair, their eyes huge and guilty.

Wordless, I just point at the exit by Sonny's vanity, and without another second to waste, they drop the markers and bolt.

I drag my feet over to my chaise lounge and flop down. I can't bear to look at what they've done to my mirror.

I don't know what to think. On the one hand, they _wrote on my mirror_. On the other hand, they were working together and apparently enjoying themselves. Together.

Phase Six: You know, I don't really know.

* * *

**A/N: Did you see that coming? :D Review, please! It makes my day!**


	9. Cleaning Supplies

**Disclaimer: Oh man, you got me. I own Sonny with a Chance. Just like I own Antarctica and the color yellow.  
A/N: What'd you think of the new SWAC episode? B-bangs? F-fangs? British accents? New songs? Tawni being compassionate? What? :D**

* * *

**Phase Seven: Rubber Gloves and Acetone Sometimes Work As Well As Markers (Cleaning Supplies)**

"Tawni, honest, I'm _so _sorry," Sonny begs me, following me like a lost puppy dog as I walk down the hallway.

I don't even turn around. "Whatever," I say icily. "I have a sketch to work on."

"Tawni!" Sonny says again, her voice cracking a tiny bit. She stops walking, but I don't. I _do_ have a sketch to rehearse, after all. "It's washable marker," she says hopefully.

I stop and spin on my heel to face her. "Yeah?" I say with fake peppiness. "Then _fix it_." I whip around again and go off on my way.

Okay, it probably seems like I'm still totally freaking out, but A: she and Chad _vandalized _my mirror, and B: I'm actually not. Yes, I'm completely pissed about the Mirror Incident, but I've realized I can turn this into a good thing. See, even though Sonny and Chad did a very, very _bad_ thing, they worked together and enjoyed themselves, which is a very, very _good_ thing.

So, all I'm going to do for Phase Seven is make them clean up the mess they made on my mirror together. _But_, this time I'm going to do it in such a way that they think they've thought of it themselves. Get it?

_Any_how, I go off to rehearse, and when I come back Sonny's twisting her hair up in a bandana and she's got paper towels and Windex sitting on her vanity. "What are you doing?" I ask her.

She gestures towards the cleaning supplies. "Cleaning up. Honestly, Tawni, I'm really sorry. It's just that Chad and I were annoyed that you locked us in a closet and—"

I wave a (freshly re-manicured, thank you) hand at her to stop her spew of word vomit. "Okay, whatever, I don't want to hear your _reasons_. But, uhm, why are you doing it by _yourself_?" I raise an eyebrow at her and put my hands on my hips.

She looks confused for a second. "Well, I wouldn't expect _you_—" Then she realizes what I mean (_duh_) and her face grows thoughtful. "Chad," she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world (because it _is_). "Yeah, I'll go get him to help me!"

I act bored. "Whatever, just tell me when you're done." And I turn around and flounce out.

I can hear Sonny walking off in the other direction to go fetch Chad, and I'm definitely amused at the idea of Chad _cleaning_.

So I'll come back soon.

The next time I walk by my dressing room I am _thrilled _to see both Sonny and Chad hard at work. Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day Chad Dylan Cooper got down and dirty. But here he is, and I swear by my Coco Moco Coco he has a bandana tied around his head like in _The Karate Kid_, and his blazer is off and his sleeves are rolled up and _everything_.

The best part is that Sonny's guilty conscience has apparently prompted her to not only clean off my mirror, but to scrub down the _entire _room. So while Chad works on the mirror, Sonny's whipping a dust rag around the room.

I am _good_.

So I'm standing in the doorway, just kind of observing. "Sonny, this stupid marker isn't coming _off_," Chad complains, scrubbing harder at the green and purple drawing of a cat on the upper left hand of the mirror.

Sonny looks over her shoulder from where she's on her hands and knees attacking the radiator with her rag and dusting juice. "What are you using on it?"

He examines the bottle. "Windex?"

She shrugs. "You used Magic Marker, right?"

"Yeah," Chad says slowly, looking through my drawers to find the marker he used. "Wait, no, I used a Sharpie."

Sonny jumps up, dropping her cleaning weapons and running over. "Sharpie? On a mirror? Chad!"

He looks bewildered. "What?"

Sonny grabs the Windex and paper towel from his hands and climbs up onto the vanity to get closer to the caricature. "Oh no, oh no, oh no," she mutters to the rhythm of her scrubbing. When after a minute or so the cat still doesn't even begin to fade, she drops the Windex and puts her head in her hands, still on her knees on my vanity. "Tawni's gonna kill me," she moans.

Chad grabs her hands and pulls them away from her face. _Omigod, Chad grabs her hands and pulls them away from her face!! _"C'mon, Munroe," he scoffs good-naturedly, helping her off the vanity. "We'll figure it out."

Sonny sighs. "Yeah," she accedes. "Okay." Her smile goes bright again—which is a good thing, because she was weird and depressed for a second there.

Chad walks over to the radio and picks up Sonny's rag and dusting juice. "Why don't you Google it and I'll work on the dusting?"

Sonny tries really hard to clamp down the smile, but she _so _can't, and the thing spreads over her face. "Thanks, Chad," she says, once she has her face under control. "I appreciate it."

He shrugs, already hard at work (totally unbelievable, but I'm serious). "Sometimes doing the work of the little people helps me understand them," he says, and I think he's at least half-joking.

Sonny makes a _pfft _noise and flings a clump of paper towel at him, beaning him in the head with it, and he yelps, making her giggle. He flings it back at her as she opens up her laptop, but she ducks with a "Ha!" and they both smile at each other for a moment before getting busily back to work.

Omigod, I can_not _get over how cute this is. And it's all thanks to me, Tawni Hart.

After a few clicks of the mouse and some clacking of the keyboard, Sonny lets out a gasp and darts back over to my vanity and goes through my drawers. "Nail polish remover," she explains to Chad, who's looking at her with an eyebrow raised. The bottom one is where I keep my nail supplies, and sure enough she finds my nail polish remover and some cotton balls. She jumps back up on my vanity and scrubs at the cat drawing with acetone-coated cotton ball. Sure enough, the cat fades and disappears. "Success!" Sonny yells triumphantly, pumping her fist in the air.

Chad lopes over to her and sees the handiwork. "Whoo!" he exclaims, and he and Sonny share a high five. "See, Munroe," he says confidently, resting his elbow on Sonny's shoulder, "I told you we'd get it."

She flashes him a toothy grin. "Maybe Tawni will allow me to live another day," she says melodramatically, flinging the back of her hand against her forehead.

Chad laughs, and I just want to _squeal _at how _adorable _this is. "C'mon, Sonny, let's get this room done." He gestures to his hair. "I don't like this whole bandana thing. Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't _do _bandanas."

Sonny sticks her tongue out at him and hops off the vanity. "You go back to the mirror, and I'll dust."

So they do, and they banter back and forth while they turn my already fabulous dressing room _immaculate_.

And I'm thinking, man, I should do this more often.

So anyway, they're talking to each other, and not only that, but they're _obviously _enjoying each other's company. It's kind of amazing to see Chad _working_. Finally they're back to their normal love-hate (aka, _masking_ their love as hate) dialogue.

As I'm watching them, I start thinking. Maybe, _just maybe_, Chad and Sonny will get together when it's time for them to get together. Maybe _now _just isn't the time, and maybe when they _do _get together it'll be for them to do on their _own_, and not with me or anyone else prompting them.

Maybe this relationship is for _them_ to figure out, and not for _me _to put together for them.

Oh, who am I _kidding_? These dumb kids would never realize they're in love if not for me.

Phase Seven ends with a made-up Sonny and Chad _and _super-clean dressing room.

Success! On _so _many levels.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Chad and Sonny make up finally. I think this Phase of **_**Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial**_** is the most successful one as of yet. After all, Tawni got a re-cleaned room out of it **_**as well as**_** Sonny and Chad making up. Does it get any better? (Hint: it does.) Review, please, lovelies! :D**


	10. Kissing Games

**Disclaimer: Yup, still don't own a scratch of Sonny with a Chance. Or Coca-Cola (Don't you love the glass bottles, though? I think they're so much cooler than cans. But anyway…)  
A/N: Hey guys, sorry this is late. Sorority elections (shameless plug for Greek life) took forEVER. Tough stuff. Anyway, this is the Second to Last Installment! Whoo! Thanks for sticking with me :D**

* * *

**Phase Eight: Because Sometimes You Just Have to Spin a Bottle to Get Your Point Across (Kissing Games)**

So as totally _thrilled _as I am that Chad and Sonny are back to normal and _Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial _is all the way back on track, I can't help but admit this back-to-friendship isn't enough.

We need lip action.

(Yes, I _know _I've already said that. And I _know_ it didn't work out so well. But this time _it will_. Because I am _brilliant_.)

This time, instead of locking them outside in the rain and hoping they'll figure out the kissing thing on their own, we're going back to the basics, back to the beginning, back to the freakin' ABCs of amusing ourselves by _making_ people kiss.

And by _people _I mean Chad and Sonny.

Phase Eight? We're playing Spin the Bottle.

"Zora?" I throw a container of Sonny's lip gloss to knock on the air vent, and it slides open to reveal Zora's inquisitive, evil little face. I give her my sweetest smile possible. "Can you do me a favor?"

She wrinkles her nose. "I don't do _favors_," she says, "but I'll do _exchanges_. What do you need?"

I show her the glass Coke bottle I'm holding. "I need this fixed."

Zora pushes herself up on her elbows, interested. "For what?"

I'm not sure how much I can trust this little monster, so I shrug secretively. "Something."

Her elfin face twitches into a little smirk. Seriously, _creepy_. "Cool," she says with an affirmative nod, and reaches for the bottle.

Before I hand it over, though, I realize I have to tell her what exactly needs fixed, or else she might fix it _wrong_. And that would be _bad_. "But you have to fix it so that whenever Sonny spins the bottle it lands on Chad."

Zora's smirk disappears and she gives me a disdain-y look. "You're making them play _Spin the Bottle_?" she says in a tone that matches her face.

I'm a little offended. Because it's a _genius _idea. "Yeah," I say, pouting a tiny bit. "They won't kiss on their _own _and so they're _never _going to if I don't _do _something about it?"

She rolls her eyes and I think the thing is going to give me a lecture, but _thankfully _she refrains and just shakes her head. "Yeah, okay, I'll do it," she says, and grabs the bottle.

"Yay!" I say, clapping. Now we're talking!

Zora slams the vent shut, and that's when I remember she wants an exchange. So I throw the lip gloss at the vent again.

She whips it open so fast it's scary. "_What_?" she asks me testily.

I back up a teensy bit. "Um, you said you don't do favors, but you'll do exchanges?" I remind her.

An evil little smile covers her face like a rash. "No worries," she assures me with a little wave of her hand. "I'll do this one for free."

And before I can say anything else, she slams the vent shut again.

Well, _that _was weird. Whatever. Time to round up the troops.

"Okay, um, Tawni, what are we doing?" Sonny asks me warily. We're all in the Prop House: me, Sonny, Nico and Grady, Chad, and Portlyn. I don't know where Zora is, and I don't care where anybody else is.

The plan is this: Sonny goes first. The bottle lands on Chad. They kiss. Hopefully the fireworks go off or whatever and they make out as the rest of us quietly leave.

If not _that _time, Chad's next, and it lands on Sonny. They kiss again, and with any luck they'll get their act together the second time around.

Foolproof.

"I think it's pretty obvious," I say, like she's some kind of moron (because let's face it, she kind of is).

But everyone's looking at me like _I'm _the moron. "Spin the Bottle?" Nico says, his lip curled a little. "Dude, what if when I spin it it lands on you or Grady or Sonny or Chad?" He shudders.

Portlyn looks disgusted. "Ew!" she shrieks, moving to stand up.

But Chad grabs her hand and yanks her back down. "Aw, c'mon, Portlyn, don't be such a baby," he says with that dumb signature smirk. "Playing stupid games makes the Randoms feel better about themselves," he adds condescendingly.

We stick our tongues out at him, but he just rolls his eyes. "What_ever_," I say, like I don't care what Chad thinks. Because, frankly, I don't. I just want him to admit he's in love with Sonny. "Sonny, you go first." I hand her the doctored bottle and hide my smile.

Sonny eyes the bottle and looks slightly sick to her stomach. "Do I _have _to?" she pleads, turning her big ol' doe eyes at me.

I make a big show of rolling my eyes. "Don't be a baby, Sonny," I sigh. "Will you just spin?"

She gives the bottle an up-and-down, like she's afraid it's going to bite her. Then slowly—_ridiculously_ slowly, _might I add_—she lays it down in the middle of the circle and taps the lip of the thing with her finger to make it spin.

She taps it left, and Chad's on her right, and even though I know Zora fixed the bottle to land on Chad, I'm not sure how such a light flick is going to get the mouth of the bottle all the way around the circle.

But before I can worry too much, the bottle zings around like _lightning _and like a _magnet _it lands on Chad.

No, I don't mean _points_ _at_ Chad. I mean _lands on_. Somehow, the bottle wings up and whacks him in the chest and sticks there. "Uh!" Chad says in surprise and maybe a little bit of pain. I mean, that thing _flew_.

Nico and Grady burst out laughing. Portlyn isn't even paying attention. Sonny's face turns bright red and I think I could get a tan from her blush-heat.

Meanwhile, Chad is trying to pry the bottle off his chest. And it's not coming. He manages to pull it, like, an inch away, but immediately it flies back at him.

I pretend like this isn't maybe a _tiny _bit strange, and so I laugh. "I think the bottle's pretty clear."

Sonny, meanwhile, is blushing even harder, if that's possible. She's trying to help Chad get the bottle off his chest, but—oh, this would be _perfect _if it wasn't so _weird_—the other half of the bottle decides to be magnetically attracted to _Sonny's _shirt, and she's pulled into Chad, the bottle the only thing separating their torsos.

Nico and Grady can't stop laughing at this ridiculousness, and to be totally honest, I have _no idea _how this is going to turn out.

I mean, picture it: Sonny and Chad are attached at the chest by a soda bottle, struggling like _no other_. I mean, literally, they're on their knees in front of each other. Well, actually, because of the bottle thing, their legs are sort of…intertwined. You know, one of Chad's knees is between Sonny's legs, and vice versa.

The _funny _part, as well as the _frustrating _part, is that they're determined _not _to look at each other—since they're attached so closely, if they did they'd pretty much be kissing.

Which is what I _want_. But what_ever_, nobody seems to _care_ what I want.

So Chad and Sonny continue to struggle against the magnetic force pulling them together (analogy _and _physics! Take _that_, Ms. Bitterman!) and I just want to know how this is going to end. None of us are _doing _anything to help them; we want to see how this turns out.

Finally Sonny makes a _hmmm _face and sticks her hand up Chad's shirt. He looks shocked and lets out a "What—?", and I can't blame him.

Of course, he doesn't pull away, either. Ha!

_What _is she _doing_? Her hand is moving around inside Chad's shirt, and finally she lets out an "Aha!" and pulls out this magnet thing. Immediately the magnet yanks to the bottle, and Chad is free. "This magnet was stuck in your shirt," she explains (umm. _Duh_?). "And the bottle was magnetic." She looks confused. "Somehow."

The bottle's still stuck to her, obviously, and Chad smirks at her. "Want me to get the magnet out of _your _shirt for you?"

Sonny blushes again and shoots him a glare. "I got it, Chad, thanks," she manages to say scathingly, and Chad shrugs in a _you're missing out, but okay _kind of way.

Trying (and failing) to maintain her dignity, Sonny reaches up inside her own shirt and finds the hidden magnet, pulling it out and releasing her from the magnetic grip. Setting the bottle on the ground in front of me, she stands, straightening herself. She says, "Spin the Bottle, Tawni? Really? This is so _stupid_," and marches out.

Chad follows her—well, he tries to make it look nonchalant and like he _just happens _to be leaving right after Sonny, but it's so obvious he's following her. Except that he goes in the opposite direction. But what_ever_.

Seeing the game is apparently over, Portlyn stalks out with a flip of her (ugly) hair without a word or glance at anyone. Normally I'd be annoyed by that, but let's face it; she's _totally _jealous of my hair. Who _wouldn't _be, though, right?

Nico and Grady kind of wander off too, so I'm by myself in the Prop House. I stare at the bottle in front of me, not really sure how to classify Phase Eight.

I hear a giggle, and I know Zora's hidden _somewhere _in the room. Because she's a creeper like that.

"I didn't mean _literally_!" I tell the empty room, and the giggling turns into full-out laughter.


	11. Told You So

**Disclaimer: Yup. I own Sonny with a Chance, McDonald's, a gold brick, and a real live dinosaur.  
A/N: Well, this is it! I can't thank you guys enough for all the support you've given me and this story. You've made **_**Master of Love **_**my most successful fic yet! I am totally serious when I say you are AWESOME! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Phase Eleven: The Quintessential Fabulousness of the One and Only Tawni Hart (Told You So)**

You know, as much as I love playing Matchmaker, Sonny Munroe and Chad Dylan Cooper are the most _obnoxious _love-blind couple I've ever encountered.

I mean, one day they're _practically _dating, flirting so much you could be in _Canada _and tell.

The next day, they're yelling at each other and pouting and being hateful.

The point is, no matter _where_ they're standing on the friendship meter, they're always _blind _to how _obvious _they are about how much they _love _each other. I mean, _honestly_.

In _any _case, I'm giving up.

I am taking the High Road, and I'm _not _"meddling" in anyone else's affairs (Zora's word, _not _mine), because I am _totally _sick of Chad and Sonny _refusing _to cooperate. I mean, come _on_. I may be Tawni Hart, but _Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial_ can't win if the participants don't play by the rules. This whole love-game thing is going to give me _wrinkles_, and _ewww_,I am _way _too pretty for that. I mean _really_, they are _impossible_.

* * *

I'm walking to rehearsal when I hear it.

_Naturally_, I stop and listen.

"Oh my God, _seriously_?"

"Yes, _seriously_!"

"Sonny—"

"I hate you!"

"Hey, _that's _new."

"You are _impossible_."

"Yes, because _you're _a freakin' picnic."

"You're so _obnoxious_!"

"You're annoying!"

"You're self-absorbed!"

"I hate how freaking _cute _you are when you're mad!"

"I hate how much I like you!"

"Well, _I_ hate it _more_!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

"So we're good?"

"Oh, we're _so good_."

That's when the yelling is stopped by a sudden _mmph! _uttered by Sonny.

There's silence for, like, at _least _ten seconds, so I have to peek around the corner and see _what the heck _is going on.

And _lo and behold_, Chad and Sonny are _making out._

_MAKING OUT!_

And I don't even mean first-kiss making out.

I mean _serious_, in_tense_, fingers-tangled-in-hair, Sonny's-pressed-up-against-the-wall, they-kind-of-look-like-they're-eating-each-other's-faces-but-it's-still-totally-movie-worthy making out.

I repeat.

Making. Out.

Making. Freaking. Out.

Of course, as much as I feel _totally _validated by this, I feel like they're not letting up any time soon, and besides, this is a _private _moment (or seven) for them.

So I walk away, hiding my smirk.

When Sonny _finally _makes it to rehearsal, a little flushed but otherwise innocent-looking, I grab her arm and pull her close. "Told you so," I whisper with a satisfied head jerk, and wink at her.

She blushes, of _course_, and her eyes get _huge_ and guilty, but I leave it at that and saunter away.

Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial is _complete_.

Mission _accomplished_.

Sonny and Chad are together (even though it's secret, which is _totally _fun).

It's all thanks to _me_.

And I, Tawni Hart, a Super Insanely Spectacular Lady Under Venus, am _SO _good.

* * *

**A/N: Whew! All done, and a kiss! Finally! Yay! Hope you enjoyed this; let me know! I love you all :D**


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